Hi there! With summer now in full force, it's hard to believe that just a couple months ago, the kids were still having snow days at school. But now, we are in my favorite portion of the year, the second half. I've always loved June to December. Summer and autumn are my favorite seasons, and November and December bring my birthday, Thanksgiving, and the Christmas season. I'm taking classes over the summer, so no school break for me since they began right after spring term ended and run until the fall term begins. My first break will be between the two subterms of fall semester. I will get a week off in mid October. Right now, I'm taking a class in counseling techniques (which I love) and statistics (which I most definitely do NOT!!!!) Only taking stats because it's required. I will refrain from any further comments on it because when I think about stats, the words that come to mind aren't ones that should be coming out of the mouth (or keyboard) of a Jesus-following, church going, nice mama, such as myself. Besides, I don't want to shock my children!
I came across a quote that really stirred me, so I wanted to share it. But first a little backstory. Ordinarily, I'm not super into inspirational quotes. There's nothing wrong with most of them, per se. It's just that some are so overused, they've become cliche. And I have to admit, that I find the parodies of some of them absolutely hilarious. But this one just had such a ring of truth to it and really encouraged me.
"Faith is believing BEFORE what will only make sense AFTER."
I find this perspective so helpful when I see the dissonance between a situation in the present and the truth of God's Word. I know that this causes many to doubt and some to abandon their faith, and those who never believed in the first place to mock either openly or in the smug silence of self-assured superiority.
But I find this quote so encouraging. Maybe it's because I've lived long enough to have seen this demonstrated. I've had experiences where the temporal reality of what I could see, hear, or feel was in complete contrast to God's promises of blessing, joy, goodness, provision, justice, or peace. Times when believing in the truth of God's goodness or His care for me went against every shred of earthly evidence. Where reliance upon human logic alone would scream, "Impossible!" and consider faith an outmoded perspective at best or a dangerous delusion at worst. And yes, during these times, I have wobbled and wavered, struggling to bring synthesis between belief and immediate experience. My faith hasn't always been strong in the midst of pain, suffering, or injustice because, of course, we want everything to make sense. After all, how can anyone really trust in God if He's chaotic? And in the middle of our experiences, life can seem void of coherence as we desperately seek to keep afloat when adversity floods our path. And even when we look to God, it's still hard. Though relief can come, it never comes soon enough to suit us. At least, that's been my experience.
Still, even after some of the flood waters have receded, even when experiencing God's presence and comfort, the struggle or adversity or situation doesn't often make sense. But I don't believe the problem is with God. Nor do I see this as showing that He isn't real or doesn't care. It simply comes down to a matter of viewpoint or perspective. If I can only see one piece of a 5000 piece jigsaw, it makes no sense whatsoever. If someone says, "This piece has a necessary place in the completion of this beautiful picture of a treasure filled palace," I believe them despite my severely limited perspective. Even the most cynical skeptic does. And when there are ten or twenty pieces that have been put together, it still might not make sense. It's just a shape or a line or curve.
During the process of putting together the puzzle (not that I speak from experience because I HATE jigsaw puzzles --- I find them way too tedious to get any enjoyment from working on them), some things may become clearer as we move further along. Other times, we might think we know what something looks like, but as time passes, we find out it's different from how we first perceived it. Finally, there are some elements that will only make sense after the entire puzzle has been assembled, things that will require us to remain in the "before" portion of faith for our entire lives. We will only be able to see how they make sense after we have left this earth.
Though I admit I don't like not knowing the details, I do find encouragement to stand firm in faith, despite living in the here and now of BEFORE. I'm able to do this by remembering that my life is in the hands of an all powerful, all loving, all knowing God, who calls me His child, and who will also lead me on the path to AFTER after beautiful AFTER!
"For we live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7
Friday, June 28, 2019
Thursday, May 2, 2019
My Deep, Dark, Deplorable Secret
How's that for an attention grabber? Are you curious? Anyone who knows me is probably shocked that I even have one because #1 I'm pretty much a typical church girl kind of goody two shoes and #2 I'm very transparent and real with people. In fact, although there are things I've done that were stupid, sinful, and/or not entirely legal (Don't judge, I was young once and besides there were no felonies involved) and maybe even unkind or less than honest, none of them are really secrets. Everyone may not know everything, but I'm reasonably sure that a few people know several things. But there is one thing that I think only Jim knows (and I doubt he even remembers). It's not really a secret in the sense that I've purposefully kept it hidden. It just isn't the sort of topic that tends to come up. So.... are you ready? Can you handle it? The DEEP, DARK, DEPLORABLE secret is....
I once got a D on my quarter report card!!!! OK for those who don't know me, you most likely are thinking, "That's it! Seriously? What's so secretive about THAT?" And for those faithful readers who do know me, you know that would be a very big deal. So, let me just say that for the most part, I'm a pretty easy going, go with the flow, it doesn't have to be perfect kind of person. My house is usually messy; I adjust pretty easily to changes in plans or unexpected circumstances (unless, of course, that means that I will be missing out on some kind of treat😞); I generally handle interruptions well (sometimes a little TOO well in that they can get me completely off track, which is kind of one of the central issues for ADHDers). Yep, I'm quite flexible. Except in one area. Grades. That's the place where I have always excelled (though not to the degree of my potential, which also is an ADHD thing). But I've always had mostly A's in any subject where I put forth even a fair amount of effort and B's and the very infrequent C in those where I didn't. Even now, I'm trying not to get too freaked out about the possibility that I might get a B in one of my classes this term.
Guess what class it was? Those who don't know me very well will think, "You have got to be kidding. How could anyone get a D in that?????" And those who do know me better will think, "Yep. Totally can see that." It was gym. I know, it's a no brainer class, right? Well, yeah, but the brainy classes aren't usually my problem. Except for sometimes math. Mostly because I hate it, so it's hard to make myself concentrate, and math definitely requires concentration to learn. You can't just fake your way through it. Either you know it, or you don't. There's no middle ground. But in 8th grade gym class your grade was composed of 2 things, mostly participation and to a slight degree skill. OK in case anyone doesn't know this, I hate sports. Don't like to watch them and really really absolutely don't think it's fun to play them. There are very few things I'd rather not do than sports. Also, and this may be partly why I dislike sports, I am the most uncoordinated, nonathletic person in the world. Maybe in the universe. Together this makes me really bad at sports and all the skills they test you on in gym. I was that kid in school. You know, the one who had the top score in English class and the lowest in gym. When we picked teams, I was the first chosen for spelling bee and the last chosen for kickball. My other problem was that I generally HATED junior high (the term for middle school way back in the Dark Ages of the 1970s), so I often just stayed home from school. My mom didn't really care. And you can't really get participation points if you don't show up. So that's how I, the eternal honor student, ended up with my one and only D, which was only on the quarter report card. I did extra credit the following quarter by helping with some after school sports set up and other tasks so that I got a B for the second quarter, which averaged with my D, gave me a C for my semester grade. Normally, that would have been devastating, but it was gym, which back in those days didn't even count in your GPA.
So there you have my scandalous story. I know it's pretty boring as far as deep, dark secrets go. I actually would feel sorry if for some reason some government agent got stuck having to spy on me. Poor guy! He might end up being the first person to actually die of boredom. I hope you aren't too disappointed it wasn't anything juicy or exciting. But, then again, if I did have such a secret, do you think I'd actually share it? Maybe I would just tell you a story about a much more innocuous one instead. 😁
I once got a D on my quarter report card!!!! OK for those who don't know me, you most likely are thinking, "That's it! Seriously? What's so secretive about THAT?" And for those faithful readers who do know me, you know that would be a very big deal. So, let me just say that for the most part, I'm a pretty easy going, go with the flow, it doesn't have to be perfect kind of person. My house is usually messy; I adjust pretty easily to changes in plans or unexpected circumstances (unless, of course, that means that I will be missing out on some kind of treat😞); I generally handle interruptions well (sometimes a little TOO well in that they can get me completely off track, which is kind of one of the central issues for ADHDers). Yep, I'm quite flexible. Except in one area. Grades. That's the place where I have always excelled (though not to the degree of my potential, which also is an ADHD thing). But I've always had mostly A's in any subject where I put forth even a fair amount of effort and B's and the very infrequent C in those where I didn't. Even now, I'm trying not to get too freaked out about the possibility that I might get a B in one of my classes this term.
Guess what class it was? Those who don't know me very well will think, "You have got to be kidding. How could anyone get a D in that?????" And those who do know me better will think, "Yep. Totally can see that." It was gym. I know, it's a no brainer class, right? Well, yeah, but the brainy classes aren't usually my problem. Except for sometimes math. Mostly because I hate it, so it's hard to make myself concentrate, and math definitely requires concentration to learn. You can't just fake your way through it. Either you know it, or you don't. There's no middle ground. But in 8th grade gym class your grade was composed of 2 things, mostly participation and to a slight degree skill. OK in case anyone doesn't know this, I hate sports. Don't like to watch them and really really absolutely don't think it's fun to play them. There are very few things I'd rather not do than sports. Also, and this may be partly why I dislike sports, I am the most uncoordinated, nonathletic person in the world. Maybe in the universe. Together this makes me really bad at sports and all the skills they test you on in gym. I was that kid in school. You know, the one who had the top score in English class and the lowest in gym. When we picked teams, I was the first chosen for spelling bee and the last chosen for kickball. My other problem was that I generally HATED junior high (the term for middle school way back in the Dark Ages of the 1970s), so I often just stayed home from school. My mom didn't really care. And you can't really get participation points if you don't show up. So that's how I, the eternal honor student, ended up with my one and only D, which was only on the quarter report card. I did extra credit the following quarter by helping with some after school sports set up and other tasks so that I got a B for the second quarter, which averaged with my D, gave me a C for my semester grade. Normally, that would have been devastating, but it was gym, which back in those days didn't even count in your GPA.
So there you have my scandalous story. I know it's pretty boring as far as deep, dark secrets go. I actually would feel sorry if for some reason some government agent got stuck having to spy on me. Poor guy! He might end up being the first person to actually die of boredom. I hope you aren't too disappointed it wasn't anything juicy or exciting. But, then again, if I did have such a secret, do you think I'd actually share it? Maybe I would just tell you a story about a much more innocuous one instead. 😁
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
Good-bye, Mom
Hi Everyone! I can't believe it's been almost 3 months since my last post. It's hard to know where to even start. Six weeks ago my mom died unexpectedly. It's been a somewhat surreal experience because it doesn't really feel like she's gone. There's so many things I could say. Our relationship was complicated because she had Borderline Personality Disorder, but thankfully, we were in a reasonably good place when she died. My 19 year old daughter, Kelley, is taking this the hardest because out of all my kids, she was the closest to my mom.
I guess I'm grieving, but it doesn't feel like I expected. I've read about the stages of grief and the order they're supposed to occur, but that just hasn't been my experience. I cried a lot the first day and off and on over that week. But I'm also happy for her. I know where she is, and now, she's finally free from physical and emotional pain and fears. She struggled with so many things: addictions, relationships, self-worth, multiple phobias and anxiety as well as constant pain. I'm pretty sure she also had ADHD, so she also struggled with organization and cleanliness, was often frustrated and impatient with herself and others, and started multiple projects that never got finished. And that was all before the dementia began.
I'm happy for her not having to suffer through progressively worsening dementia or lingering on the edge of death for days or weeks. She went peacefully in her sleep. No pain. No struggle according to the nurse. I fully believe that's true because when I saw her, she honestly just looked like she was sleeping. Her face was completely relaxed. I do wish we could have been with her when she went, but Jim and I did spend time with her the day before she died.
I'm not devastated or in despair, most likely because she really wasn't a part of my daily life. She wasn't one of those moms that you seek advice or wisdom from. She has always been very child like. I was more the parent figure from as far back as I can remember, but it doesn't feel like losing a child either. I can't even imagine the depth of sorrow that would be, and I pray I never will know. Honestly, often I resented her for not being a typical mom because the pain of never having that healthy "mothering" has left deep soul wounds that have become part of my inner tapestry. But she couldn't be what she didn't know. How can anyone be expected to read a book when they don't know the alphabet or even have a clue that those letters symbolize sound?
Surprisingly, I mostly just feel a kind of blah affect. I'm not super sad just sometimes find myself experiencing a slight emptiness, like a small hole. I still can enjoy things. I function. I don't constantly think about my mom, but it's like something is just slightly askew, and I have no idea if this is normal. Not that it really matters, but sometimes I wonder.
I do find that I'm much more sensitive these days to even the slightest hint of criticism, and I've had a lot of trouble sleeping. I feel less connected to people. I'm off kilter with my prior patterns. I think I gained weight over those first couple of weeks, but now I've dropped it (which is good) but only because I've skipped several meals over this past week, and when I do eat, it's not usually anything healthy.
But it's not all because of my mom, although indirectly it is. There was so much to do after she died, and I have no siblings, so it was all on me to make the decisions and most of the arrangements, though family and friends did help with some details. Because of this, I got behind in my classes, which move at such an intense pace even when I'm able to work on them as planned. So now, I have a very limited time to catch up. In order to be able to do that, I've stopped all my outside activities and most of my inside ones too (no cooking, no cleaning, no grocery shopping, etc.) so I can use the time to work. I really should be working right now, but sometimes I just have to take a break for a little bit and do something different. There comes a point when you are studying hour after hour, day after day, that you begin to burn out and start getting diminishing returns for all your effort. So my abrupt change of schedule could also be causing my weird feelings and disrupted sleep. Or maybe it's a combo. Or just age. This is all new to me. Losing my mom. Being in grad school. Being this age.
When my mom was younger, she was a dancer. She took ballet lessons for several years. I'm sure people who only knew her as an older, morbidly obese, wheelchair bound woman would be quite surprised at the graceful amateur ballerina she was as a teenager. Her love of ballet as an art continued even through her final days. When I think of her leaving this earth and rising to heaven, there's a line from a song that goes, "With your final heartbeat, kiss the world good-bye. Then go to peace and life on glory's side. Fly to Jesus, fly to Jesus, fly to Jesus, and live." I know that's what she did on that cold winter Monday morning in February. I'm also fairly certain that not too much longer after arriving in the presence of the Lord, she must have danced in the most beautiful impromptu pas seul (solo dance), her ballerina soul finally able to freely leap in completely unhindered joy. That image makes me smile through the tears, for I know that someday I'll be there to watch her too, even though for now, I've had to say, "Good-bye, Mom."
Sue Nan Burch Wyckoff (July 30, 1943 - February 4, 2019)
I guess I'm grieving, but it doesn't feel like I expected. I've read about the stages of grief and the order they're supposed to occur, but that just hasn't been my experience. I cried a lot the first day and off and on over that week. But I'm also happy for her. I know where she is, and now, she's finally free from physical and emotional pain and fears. She struggled with so many things: addictions, relationships, self-worth, multiple phobias and anxiety as well as constant pain. I'm pretty sure she also had ADHD, so she also struggled with organization and cleanliness, was often frustrated and impatient with herself and others, and started multiple projects that never got finished. And that was all before the dementia began.
I'm happy for her not having to suffer through progressively worsening dementia or lingering on the edge of death for days or weeks. She went peacefully in her sleep. No pain. No struggle according to the nurse. I fully believe that's true because when I saw her, she honestly just looked like she was sleeping. Her face was completely relaxed. I do wish we could have been with her when she went, but Jim and I did spend time with her the day before she died.
I'm not devastated or in despair, most likely because she really wasn't a part of my daily life. She wasn't one of those moms that you seek advice or wisdom from. She has always been very child like. I was more the parent figure from as far back as I can remember, but it doesn't feel like losing a child either. I can't even imagine the depth of sorrow that would be, and I pray I never will know. Honestly, often I resented her for not being a typical mom because the pain of never having that healthy "mothering" has left deep soul wounds that have become part of my inner tapestry. But she couldn't be what she didn't know. How can anyone be expected to read a book when they don't know the alphabet or even have a clue that those letters symbolize sound?
Surprisingly, I mostly just feel a kind of blah affect. I'm not super sad just sometimes find myself experiencing a slight emptiness, like a small hole. I still can enjoy things. I function. I don't constantly think about my mom, but it's like something is just slightly askew, and I have no idea if this is normal. Not that it really matters, but sometimes I wonder.
I do find that I'm much more sensitive these days to even the slightest hint of criticism, and I've had a lot of trouble sleeping. I feel less connected to people. I'm off kilter with my prior patterns. I think I gained weight over those first couple of weeks, but now I've dropped it (which is good) but only because I've skipped several meals over this past week, and when I do eat, it's not usually anything healthy.
But it's not all because of my mom, although indirectly it is. There was so much to do after she died, and I have no siblings, so it was all on me to make the decisions and most of the arrangements, though family and friends did help with some details. Because of this, I got behind in my classes, which move at such an intense pace even when I'm able to work on them as planned. So now, I have a very limited time to catch up. In order to be able to do that, I've stopped all my outside activities and most of my inside ones too (no cooking, no cleaning, no grocery shopping, etc.) so I can use the time to work. I really should be working right now, but sometimes I just have to take a break for a little bit and do something different. There comes a point when you are studying hour after hour, day after day, that you begin to burn out and start getting diminishing returns for all your effort. So my abrupt change of schedule could also be causing my weird feelings and disrupted sleep. Or maybe it's a combo. Or just age. This is all new to me. Losing my mom. Being in grad school. Being this age.
When my mom was younger, she was a dancer. She took ballet lessons for several years. I'm sure people who only knew her as an older, morbidly obese, wheelchair bound woman would be quite surprised at the graceful amateur ballerina she was as a teenager. Her love of ballet as an art continued even through her final days. When I think of her leaving this earth and rising to heaven, there's a line from a song that goes, "With your final heartbeat, kiss the world good-bye. Then go to peace and life on glory's side. Fly to Jesus, fly to Jesus, fly to Jesus, and live." I know that's what she did on that cold winter Monday morning in February. I'm also fairly certain that not too much longer after arriving in the presence of the Lord, she must have danced in the most beautiful impromptu pas seul (solo dance), her ballerina soul finally able to freely leap in completely unhindered joy. That image makes me smile through the tears, for I know that someday I'll be there to watch her too, even though for now, I've had to say, "Good-bye, Mom."
Sue Nan Burch Wyckoff (July 30, 1943 - February 4, 2019)
Sunday, December 16, 2018
Changes
Hi Everyone! I am DONE with my first semester of school! Woo-hoo! 6 credits done, 54 to go! That's a lot. Most MA programs in other majors are 30 credits. And then there's counseling. Go to school for twice as long and make half as much as someone in another field. But hey, what can I say? It's what I believe God has called me to do, and I really am looking forward to being able to make a difference in people's lives. But I'm still very glad to have a month off. The past 16 weeks have been a lot of work, mostly interesting stuff, but still a LOT of reading, writing, taking quizzes and tests, and learning how to make videos of myself discussing study topics (Not my fave experience having to watch and listen to myself.) In my mind, I feel much younger looking and definitely thinner. The class I just finished was Ethical and Legal Issues in Counseling, and unless I utterly failed the last assignment (Like under 25 points out of 100), which hasn't yet been graded, I will get an A. I don't know how important GPA will be in finding jobs, but since I don't have any prior experience, I figure good grades might be a help. Next semester I'm taking 4 classes instead of 2, so lots more work. The first quarter I'm taking Human Growth and Development and Multicultural Counseling. They both sound interesting to me, and the Multicultural Counseling is just a Pass/Fail, so that should take off some pressure. In case you haven't noticed, I really try to go for the A in letter graded classes.
Ok I've pretty much stalled out on the weight loss thing. I think until after the holidays, my goal will be simply to not gain weight. Then I will start working on losing 1 to 2 lbs a week after the first of the year.
I'm so excited because my son, Cory, the Marine, who I haven't seen in 7 months, is coming home on Saturday! He's staying for a couple of weeks. The last time he was home for that long was before he left for boot camp 14 months ago.
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| Cory is on the right. Love those dress blues! |
My husband is also off of work until January 7! Yay! That will be a change having him home all day for almost 3 weeks. He had to use up his excess vacation time or lose it. And of course, we have all the fun of Christmas to enjoy. We also will be adding in rehearsal evenings because my youngest son, James, had his first ever audition for our community theater musical, and he got a part. They had to cut about half the kids because there were almost 60 kids for 30 to 35 parts. So, I was telling James not to feel bad if he didn't get in this time. But, he has a minor part, playing one of the Wickersham brothers in Seussical Jr. It looks like a very fun role, but it will be a lot of work for him, especially learning the dancing since he's had no dance lessons ever.
So, I've decided to work on adding beauty in my life by making myself look more attractive. I'm going to get my hair cut a bit shorter. I LOVE long, beautiful, flowing hair and have been trying to grow mine out for a few years now, but it won't get past this awkward just below the shoulders length. The ends, especially in the back, where it's longest, are just kind of thin and scraggly looking. Long hair isn't pretty if it's dry, frizzy, and skimpy. So, I'm going to ask my hair stylist to cut it into a shorter (but not too short) bob. I think that will help it look fuller. My girls HATE bobs. They think the style I like looks like a suburban soccer mom who goes into businesses with an attitude and says, "I want to see your manager!" Where do they get this? Anyway, here's a pic of what I'm thinking, though I do want to keep my bangs. Cuz after 40 they say, "It's bangs or Botox," and bangs are waaaayyyy cheaper and less painful than needles in your face.
https://goo.gl/images/h5DSBw is the link. I like the style in the big pic. Although this style is straight, and my hair on its own is definitely not, I can blowdry and use a straightening iron when I want to copy that exact look, but the cut will still work for days I want to either just keep my natural wavy texture or add more curl. And it's not so short that my head will freeze during our arctic Minnesota winters. Though today was blissfully warm for December! 39 degrees!
So, anyone else have any changes coming up? What's something you do or would like to do to bring out your beauty? Yes, I know inner beauty is more important, but I think most of us still like to look as nice as we can. And it's nice to get out of our same old, same old ruts every once in a while. Fresh and new just can be so much fun! I don't know whether or not I will post again before the holidays, so in case not, Merry Christmas! and Happy New Year! I hope your holidays are filled with love, joy, and beauty!
Tuesday, November 27, 2018
Creating Beauty
Hi Everyone! I'm back. And it hasn't even been 3 months. ;-) I had a nice birthday. My husband and kids blessed me with some great gifts and a trip to the infamous Mall of America. Jim took me out to lunch at a new for us restaurant, where we had THE best guacamole, made tableside, that I've ever had in my entire life. And that's saying something now that I'm so old! I also got two other lunches out of the birthday deal the following week from friends. Speaking of friends, my dear friend, Tracy, got me a stove! Seriously, how awesome is that??!!! OK I know that's not the typical birthday present, but you probably are unaware of my stove challenges. LOL I don't seem to be limited to normal challenges. I have definitely had some unusual ones throughout my life. So, I had this really great stove (TWO ovens even) that I got a great deal on a little over a year ago. But it had a flat cook top where the burners are covered by whatever material it is that goes on top. Fiberglass? Anyway, I had some heavy pans on top of my fridge, which is literally right next to my stove cuz of how the outlets are set up in this crazy old house of mine, and they fell onto the stovetop and broke through the covering, which ended up destroying 3 of my burners, so I've been cooking with only one burner for about a year, which gets really annoying when you make most of your meals at home. And which would have been a real pain in the patoot for Thanksgiving. But, Tracy and her husband came to my rescue. Yay! Also, another really cool thing about my birthday was that my son, Cory, remembered (Hey he's a 22 year old guy!) and although he couldn't really call because he was on a training exercise (Marines) in Norway, he posted a nice birthday greeting on my facebook page.
I'm now on week 6 out of 8 in my ethics and law class. Still have an A so far.
OK so as far as the 55 by 55 is going.... I started out well the first week. I lost 2.4 lbs. But the second week, I gained back 1.4 of those lbs. In my defense, there were two birthday lunches, a church potluck, and Thanksgiving. So, that puts my grand total of lbs lost at a whopping 1 lb. Not exactly an impressive start, but I'm trying to do better with food choices this week. 54 lbs to go over the next 50 weeks.
So, I was thinking about what it is that I'd really like to learn how to do. While there are probably dozens of things I'd like to do, it's not lack of knowledge that's usually the issue but rather lack of resources, which is usually money. But one thing that I think is also, at least partly, due to lack of skill is creating beauty in my life. What do I mean by that? I'd like to surround myself with more beauty and less chaos in my environment, in particular my home. I'd like to be able to make pretty things, look as attractive as possible, wear beautiful clothing and accessories, etc. Things like cleaning, organizing, decorating, crafts, gardening, yardwork, repairs, makeup, skincare, beauty routines, creativity would all fall under this category, so would things that are non visual. I'd like to experience beautiful sounds, smells, taste, and touch by learning how to incorporate these things into my life and the atmosphere of my environment to a much greater degree than I do now. But, as with pretty much everything, I do better with a plan, and at the moment, I'm not sure how to put one together. It's something I will need to pray about, ponder, and maybe research. I guess I could start with some pics of beauty that speak to me. So in no particular order here are a few.
https://goo.gl/images/VgK14x https://goo.gl/images/RBjAN4 https://goo.gl/images/uyyqdn
https://goo.gl/images/ahSrAv https://goo.gl/images/EbPc5j https://goo.gl/images/5HBuQ8
https://goo.gl/images/pX5B5m https://goo.gl/images/sW1FCm https://goo.gl/images/igbRDN
https://goo.gl/images/8noLWt https://goo.gl/images/Ka2eHN https://goo.gl/images/4t2tta
So, what do you find beautiful? How do you create or bring beauty, physical, spiritual, emotional, mental, or in any other way into your life? I would love to hear your thoughts. Until next time, beautiful blessings, my friends!
Saturday, November 10, 2018
Another Year Older
Hi Peoples! Remember me? I'm dedicating this post (Can you dedicate posts? Is that a thing? If not, I'm starting it.) to my sister-in-law Debbie cuz she sent me a birthday card the other day and said she hadn't seen any posts from me in a while. So, Deb, here's my shout out to you! Ok I have never gone this long between posts. I think maybe I've set some kind of record here. My last one was over 3 months ago. Definitely has been a while. But in my defense, life has been way busier since September rolled around. School started for me and my kids. So, I also started back to homeschooling, doing Community Bible Study, teaching the kids' class at Community Bible Study, and participating in homeschool co-op.
My schooling is definitely a HUGE time eater! It's not that the work is outrageously difficult (at least not yet), it's just that there's a lot of reading along with the written assignments. The classes move quickly because they only last 8 weeks instead of the usual 16 in a semester. Thankfully, I'm liking the courses so far, though I feel like a ton of info is being thrown at me. I had no idea so much goes into being a counselor. I'm definitely feeling the intensity of the responsibility, and if I'm not careful, I sometimes start to get nervous that I might end up making some huge mistake and mess up somebody's life. I don't know. Maybe that's a normal fear for anyone starting their schooling in healthcare or human services. When I was an undergrad, I never experienced that. But my degree was in English. Not exactly going to cause anyone significant mental or physical damage by a poorly written piece or sloppy editing. Anyway, I finished my first class, Orientation to Professional Counseling Function and Identity. (That's a mouthful). And I got an A. Woo hoo! Guess all the academic ability didn't completely leak out over the 32 years I've been out of school. Now I'm working on my second class, Ethical and Legal Issues in Counseling. There are some tedious parts, but over all, it's a lot more interesting than I thought it would be. I'm just about at the end of week 3 and so far am getting an A in this one too. I will need to take a heavier load starting in the spring since there are 20 classes in all, and I'd like to graduate before I die!
Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 54! Yikes! Seriously, that's kind of a little.... well, um, old. I don't feel this old. Ok maybe somewhat in my body, but not in my mind. Shouldn't I be more mature and wise and know more things and be all organized and have my act all together by this age? I'm only one year away from being in my late 50s. That's like practically a senior citizen. Well, I guess you either get older or you die. So, from that perspective, maybe getting older isn't so bad after all. While I'm not afraid to die, I'm not in any hurry either.
So speaking of getting older, since I will be 55 in one year, I've decided to set a 55 by 55 goal. My weight has been a challenge for most of my life, particularly so over the last several years. Overall, I now eat mostly low carb, though I've fallen off the wagon for the past few days and most likely will tomorrow. Hey, it IS my birthday! Last time I weighed myself, I had dropped 16 pounds. Not exactly the most impressive result after 3 months or so of changing my eating habits, but better than nothing, especially since I haven't been super consistent. However, it's been a while since I've checked my weight, but from the way my clothes fit, I doubt that I've gained much, if any back, or that I've lost any more. But I still have approximately 100 give or take a few pounds to lose. So, I've decided to lose 55 by the time I'm 55. Granted that's only about half of the total goal, but given my snail's pace with the whole weight loss thing, I think it's a more realistic goal. And truth be told, even if that's all I lose, it will still be a substantial improvement in both looks and health. Plus, that will allow me the freedom to indulge sometimes in those evil processed carbs that taste so amazing but are sooooo bad for those of us with insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome. So, I will face the dreaded scale on Monday morning in order to know my starting weight and set my goal for 55 lbs below that. I need this for a kick start to get back on better track with food, especially now that winter has decided to settle in early. Something about the cold and more dark hours and the holidays that just makes me want to devour truckloads of baked goods. But I think having this goal might help me reduce that truckload down to maybe say a backpack.
So, what are you planning to do a certain number of before your next birthday? This was a new concept for me. Now, I challenge you to set a goal. It doesn't have to be pounds. It could be anything really. I'd love to have you share.
Until next time (which hopefully won't be three months, but I make no promises, especially once spring semester starts), blessings to all!
My schooling is definitely a HUGE time eater! It's not that the work is outrageously difficult (at least not yet), it's just that there's a lot of reading along with the written assignments. The classes move quickly because they only last 8 weeks instead of the usual 16 in a semester. Thankfully, I'm liking the courses so far, though I feel like a ton of info is being thrown at me. I had no idea so much goes into being a counselor. I'm definitely feeling the intensity of the responsibility, and if I'm not careful, I sometimes start to get nervous that I might end up making some huge mistake and mess up somebody's life. I don't know. Maybe that's a normal fear for anyone starting their schooling in healthcare or human services. When I was an undergrad, I never experienced that. But my degree was in English. Not exactly going to cause anyone significant mental or physical damage by a poorly written piece or sloppy editing. Anyway, I finished my first class, Orientation to Professional Counseling Function and Identity. (That's a mouthful). And I got an A. Woo hoo! Guess all the academic ability didn't completely leak out over the 32 years I've been out of school. Now I'm working on my second class, Ethical and Legal Issues in Counseling. There are some tedious parts, but over all, it's a lot more interesting than I thought it would be. I'm just about at the end of week 3 and so far am getting an A in this one too. I will need to take a heavier load starting in the spring since there are 20 classes in all, and I'd like to graduate before I die!
Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 54! Yikes! Seriously, that's kind of a little.... well, um, old. I don't feel this old. Ok maybe somewhat in my body, but not in my mind. Shouldn't I be more mature and wise and know more things and be all organized and have my act all together by this age? I'm only one year away from being in my late 50s. That's like practically a senior citizen. Well, I guess you either get older or you die. So, from that perspective, maybe getting older isn't so bad after all. While I'm not afraid to die, I'm not in any hurry either.
So speaking of getting older, since I will be 55 in one year, I've decided to set a 55 by 55 goal. My weight has been a challenge for most of my life, particularly so over the last several years. Overall, I now eat mostly low carb, though I've fallen off the wagon for the past few days and most likely will tomorrow. Hey, it IS my birthday! Last time I weighed myself, I had dropped 16 pounds. Not exactly the most impressive result after 3 months or so of changing my eating habits, but better than nothing, especially since I haven't been super consistent. However, it's been a while since I've checked my weight, but from the way my clothes fit, I doubt that I've gained much, if any back, or that I've lost any more. But I still have approximately 100 give or take a few pounds to lose. So, I've decided to lose 55 by the time I'm 55. Granted that's only about half of the total goal, but given my snail's pace with the whole weight loss thing, I think it's a more realistic goal. And truth be told, even if that's all I lose, it will still be a substantial improvement in both looks and health. Plus, that will allow me the freedom to indulge sometimes in those evil processed carbs that taste so amazing but are sooooo bad for those of us with insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome. So, I will face the dreaded scale on Monday morning in order to know my starting weight and set my goal for 55 lbs below that. I need this for a kick start to get back on better track with food, especially now that winter has decided to settle in early. Something about the cold and more dark hours and the holidays that just makes me want to devour truckloads of baked goods. But I think having this goal might help me reduce that truckload down to maybe say a backpack.
So, what are you planning to do a certain number of before your next birthday? This was a new concept for me. Now, I challenge you to set a goal. It doesn't have to be pounds. It could be anything really. I'd love to have you share.
Until next time (which hopefully won't be three months, but I make no promises, especially once spring semester starts), blessings to all!
Saturday, August 4, 2018
The Good, the Bad, and the Pain in the Neck
Hello out there in the blogosphere! I know who some of you are, but I wish I knew who all of you were. I guess it doesn't really matter, but my inquiring mind just wants to know. I usually imagine that my readers are middle aged, church going women with a sense of humor cuz hey, that's who I am. But once in a while someone who is not at all in that demographic will mention they read my posts. That always surprises me. So then, I start to over think things and wonder if they get bored since I don't write about guy stuff or young twenty something stuff or senior citizen topics. But then again, I figure some things are applicable across the entire span of age, gender, religion, and interests. Besides, if I get too girly girl, too churchy, too middle aged mom, or too silly for someone's taste, they can always stop reading. But I'm truly honored and thankful that anyone would take the time to read the ramblings and rabbit trails that wind through my mind.
I gave you the outline for this post in the title. So let's start with the good. I got accepted into grad school! Woo hoo! And I am able to borrow enough money to actually take classes. I'd rather not borrow, but I don't have that kind of money sitting around. School is EXPENSIVE! I'm only taking two classes my first semester because I haven't been to school for 32 years, and I also have responsibilities at home, church, Community Bible Study kids' class, as well as homeschooling my 12 year old. Since I'm not sure how rigorous the program is or how long it will take me to do each assignment, I thought it would be better to start out slowly. The online classes are done in 8 week segments, so although I will have two classes, they won't be in the same eight weeks. My first class will be Introduction to Marriage and Family Counseling. It starts in 20 days. I'm thinking it won't be too hard since it's an intro class. One of the classes I will have to take at some point is statistics. Yeah, not really looking forward to that. I decided it might not be the best idea to tackle that one my first semester. Anyway, so now I am officially a college student again at age 53. When all my classes are completed and I've passed the comprehensive exam, I will have my MA in Marriage and Family Therapy. Then you can tell me all your problems and give me money. ;-) Just Kidding. You aren't supposed to do counseling for friends or family.
Found out from the nice psychologist lady that I have ADHD. Suprise! Not. Anyway, I always said I have ADD, no H cuz I'm about as far from being physically hyper as you can get. But apparently, whether or not you have hyperactivity, it's now called ADHD. I did not know this. Did you? See, you learned something by reading here. There are three subtypes of ADHD. Type one is primarily inattentive (that's me). Type 2 is primarily hyperactive/impulsive (not me). Type 3 is combined (the whole enchilada). I will be starting on 10 mg a day of generic Adderall. We'll see how that goes and adjust as needed.
The bad is that a combo of bad days, extra appointments, financial stress, trying to figure out the details of two of my daughters' birthdays that happen within a week got me off track a bit. And then ... on Sunday I woke up with a stiff neck ( not usually a big deal cuz it happens every once in a while). I figured it would feel better by the end of the day since that's always been what happens. But nope. It kept hurting. It was really bad by the time I went to bed. I didn't sleep at all well that night, and went to the doctor first thing in the morning. He didn't feel the need to do any tests, just asked questions and examined me, then told me it was a muscle spasm and gave me Toradol and a muscle relaxant. I took two doses of those, and they didn't do Jack diddly squat! So I ended up going to urgent care that night, and that doctor very hesitatingly gave me Norco. OK I know you have to be careful with opioids, but sometimes narcotics are the only thing that will touch the pain. And it did help A LOT, but I only had 8 pills, so I was all out by the end of the third day. And now, even with Tylenol, Toradol, and muscle relaxants, I had very fitful bits of sleep interrupted by pain going from my neck down into my shoulder. I have a chiropractor appointment on Monday because I don't think there's much the regular doctor can do for me. I highly doubt they will give any more narcotics, and their other pain meds aren't doing much. I'm guessing the nerve is being compressed by something since the pain radiates down my arm, and I have a weakened grip in that hand. Makes putting on my bra seem like an Olympic event. Oh the joys of aging! Thinking maybe it could be a problem with a disk or arthritis. I'm hoping that by doing an adjustment on my vertebrae the chiropractor can give me some relief.
Anyway, the combo of pain, lack of sleep, and being a little loopy when I was taking Norco means all my routines and progress in my house basically went to you know where in a handbasket. So here I sit, back at square one. But the good news is I'm at the point where I'm ready to ease back into things. Yes, I'm still in pain. Yes, it takes me longer to get dressed or do anything that requires a good left hand grip, but I figure it's always better to do something than nothing. So I started working on the kitchen a little bit at a time a couple of days ago. It's still not done, but it's a lot better now than it was Thursday morning. Today I grocery shopped for the week, so I can get back to lower carb eating. Then I came home and made a to do list. Honestly, I really didn't feel like doing any of it. I'm uncomfortable and exhausted, but I know I feel better emotionally when I'm working toward something and making even tiny bits of progress. I realized that I hadn't been writing a to do list for a couple of weeks, and that if I want to get back on track and make better use of my time, that's where I need to start.
So today, I hope to encourage you by sharing my challenges and how I'm working through them. I have a feeling I'm not the only one out there who gets off track ever. So if you have too, don't beat yourself up. Don't let the thoughts overwhelm you like I did. It's funny how listing those tasks on paper makes them seem more doable. And I need things to be changed from the swirling twirling overwhelming chaos that zips around in my head. The list takes that and turns it into concrete, specific actions that I can handle one at a time, so that progress can happen even when life ends up being a pain in the neck.
I gave you the outline for this post in the title. So let's start with the good. I got accepted into grad school! Woo hoo! And I am able to borrow enough money to actually take classes. I'd rather not borrow, but I don't have that kind of money sitting around. School is EXPENSIVE! I'm only taking two classes my first semester because I haven't been to school for 32 years, and I also have responsibilities at home, church, Community Bible Study kids' class, as well as homeschooling my 12 year old. Since I'm not sure how rigorous the program is or how long it will take me to do each assignment, I thought it would be better to start out slowly. The online classes are done in 8 week segments, so although I will have two classes, they won't be in the same eight weeks. My first class will be Introduction to Marriage and Family Counseling. It starts in 20 days. I'm thinking it won't be too hard since it's an intro class. One of the classes I will have to take at some point is statistics. Yeah, not really looking forward to that. I decided it might not be the best idea to tackle that one my first semester. Anyway, so now I am officially a college student again at age 53. When all my classes are completed and I've passed the comprehensive exam, I will have my MA in Marriage and Family Therapy. Then you can tell me all your problems and give me money. ;-) Just Kidding. You aren't supposed to do counseling for friends or family.
Found out from the nice psychologist lady that I have ADHD. Suprise! Not. Anyway, I always said I have ADD, no H cuz I'm about as far from being physically hyper as you can get. But apparently, whether or not you have hyperactivity, it's now called ADHD. I did not know this. Did you? See, you learned something by reading here. There are three subtypes of ADHD. Type one is primarily inattentive (that's me). Type 2 is primarily hyperactive/impulsive (not me). Type 3 is combined (the whole enchilada). I will be starting on 10 mg a day of generic Adderall. We'll see how that goes and adjust as needed.
The bad is that a combo of bad days, extra appointments, financial stress, trying to figure out the details of two of my daughters' birthdays that happen within a week got me off track a bit. And then ... on Sunday I woke up with a stiff neck ( not usually a big deal cuz it happens every once in a while). I figured it would feel better by the end of the day since that's always been what happens. But nope. It kept hurting. It was really bad by the time I went to bed. I didn't sleep at all well that night, and went to the doctor first thing in the morning. He didn't feel the need to do any tests, just asked questions and examined me, then told me it was a muscle spasm and gave me Toradol and a muscle relaxant. I took two doses of those, and they didn't do Jack diddly squat! So I ended up going to urgent care that night, and that doctor very hesitatingly gave me Norco. OK I know you have to be careful with opioids, but sometimes narcotics are the only thing that will touch the pain. And it did help A LOT, but I only had 8 pills, so I was all out by the end of the third day. And now, even with Tylenol, Toradol, and muscle relaxants, I had very fitful bits of sleep interrupted by pain going from my neck down into my shoulder. I have a chiropractor appointment on Monday because I don't think there's much the regular doctor can do for me. I highly doubt they will give any more narcotics, and their other pain meds aren't doing much. I'm guessing the nerve is being compressed by something since the pain radiates down my arm, and I have a weakened grip in that hand. Makes putting on my bra seem like an Olympic event. Oh the joys of aging! Thinking maybe it could be a problem with a disk or arthritis. I'm hoping that by doing an adjustment on my vertebrae the chiropractor can give me some relief.
Anyway, the combo of pain, lack of sleep, and being a little loopy when I was taking Norco means all my routines and progress in my house basically went to you know where in a handbasket. So here I sit, back at square one. But the good news is I'm at the point where I'm ready to ease back into things. Yes, I'm still in pain. Yes, it takes me longer to get dressed or do anything that requires a good left hand grip, but I figure it's always better to do something than nothing. So I started working on the kitchen a little bit at a time a couple of days ago. It's still not done, but it's a lot better now than it was Thursday morning. Today I grocery shopped for the week, so I can get back to lower carb eating. Then I came home and made a to do list. Honestly, I really didn't feel like doing any of it. I'm uncomfortable and exhausted, but I know I feel better emotionally when I'm working toward something and making even tiny bits of progress. I realized that I hadn't been writing a to do list for a couple of weeks, and that if I want to get back on track and make better use of my time, that's where I need to start.
So today, I hope to encourage you by sharing my challenges and how I'm working through them. I have a feeling I'm not the only one out there who gets off track ever. So if you have too, don't beat yourself up. Don't let the thoughts overwhelm you like I did. It's funny how listing those tasks on paper makes them seem more doable. And I need things to be changed from the swirling twirling overwhelming chaos that zips around in my head. The list takes that and turns it into concrete, specific actions that I can handle one at a time, so that progress can happen even when life ends up being a pain in the neck.
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